


A Foghorn in the Distance

by Emby



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Child Neglect, F/M, Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Mutant Tony Stark, Protective Pepper Potts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:48:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25986916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emby/pseuds/Emby
Summary: Oh I should mention this is going to be part of a series. Thanks for reading!
Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Kudos: 77





	A Foghorn in the Distance

One of Tony's earliest memories is getting in trouble with Howard. He never gets the opportunity to work in the shop so when Howard leaves the house he takes it. Hes been wanting to work tinkering in the workshop when the atmosphere of the room changes. He turns to see his father standing behind him furious. Next thing he knows his father is gripping his arm tight lipped as he drags Tony out of his workshop. He doesn’t notice how Tony doesn’t protest or how his small face is scrunched in agony. 

Tony on the other hand hears a blast of words but Howard’s mouth isn’t moving. It's madly disorienting, the volume of his father’s thoughts are painful beyond belief. It's brief when his father tosses him out. Jarvis finds him curled on the floor clutching his head and he can’t help him. Everytime he tries, Tony shies away, a fresh wave of tears cascading down his face.

For the first time in a while Jarvis calls for Maria. Perhaps a mother's touch is what he needs. She picks him up and the pain subsidies. His mother's touch reminds him of the breezy spring days in the garden. When they would sit in the shade of the great tree and she would tell him stories of Uncles he never got to meet.

She calls him her little bambino and places a soft kiss on his head before putting him to bed. He sleeps peacefully for the first time in a long time. From the door Jarvis thanks God for letting today of all days to be one of Maria's good days. 

The next morning she doesn’t remember a single thing but she kisses his head again and it still doesn’t hurt. 

~

And so from a young age, Tony decides he doesn't like being touched. It was fine really, not much has to change. 

He already lives in a house where displays of affection were far and few in between. The only thing that devastates him is that he can no longer get the affectionate touches from Jarvis or Ana. No more pats on the head or a hand on his cheek, no more good night kisses. 

He tells Jarvis one day the reason why he shies away from every touch and Jarvis’ first reaction is to give him a hug but he settles on tugging his hoodie stings and from then on that becomes their version of a hug. He doesn’t cry about it nope, not one tear. 

Tony really doesn't want to live like this his whole life so there must be a way to hone it? He asks Jarvis if he can practice on him. The house is silent, Howard is gone to a meeting and Maria...floats around somewhere. 

They sit in the kitchen sitting next to each other on the high stools. Jarvis rolls up his sleeve and lays his arm on the white surface. “If it gets too much Tony I want you to stop, don’t hurt yourself.” Tony nods building up his courage to place his hand on the arm remembering how much it hurt the first time. 

Just like before Jarvis’ thoughts are loud and they hurt but Tony grits his teeth trying to make sense of the jumble of words. He hears the last part of a sentence and his eyes snap to Jarvis’ tears shining within.

Slowly he picks out words that amount to how proud Javis is of Tony and how much he loves him. That puts a pause on the experiment Tony bawling into his hands unable to hug the only man to truly be a father to him but it does renew his ambition to get this right. Day by day gradually the foghorn lessens and Tony can hear him clearly without gaining a splitting headache. 

Imagine Jarvis' surprise when the young sir surprises him with a hug. 

Tony imagines it as a dial, that each person has one and he just needs to find the right frequency. But it's hard to find when his cranium shorts out with one touch. Repeated exposure helps. 

When he's sent to boarding school it's harder than he thought it would be. 

Dealing with people was never his forte so he's excited when they all want to be his friend! But imagine how it felt to get a hug from someone that wasn't Jarvis, Ana or his even his mom only to hear how their parents told them to make friends with the Stark heir as it would benefit them in the future. When they invite him to sit with them at lunch, he stops accepting. He begins to distance himself from the rowdy boys and yanks his hand away from giggling girls then people begin to look at him funny. Begin to spread rumors. So he learns to sharpen his words lashing out at anyone who came too close. That way it doesn’t hurt as much when Jenny from english starts laughing at him and how he fullbody flinches when the teacher praises him for a right answer. 

Working alone in his room during the winter formal he remembers his father’s words: “People are a means to an end.” So why try to find that dial? 

It's not until the passing of his parents that he realizes how truly alone he is and how quiet the world was. Obie fires the Jarvis’ and moves in himself. _“Tony needs a father figure after all. We all loved Howard but come on we all know he wasn’t the greatest.”_

Life with Obediah Stane is different than with his parents. For one, Obie seeks him out often. Just to talk, he asks Tony about his day, what he’s working on. Occasionally he sits him down to give Tony advice which he does actually like, it's nice having someone pay attention to him.

But Obie gets mad when Tony doesn’t want to hug him, when Tony ducks from his hand or refuses to shake the hands of other businessmen. So he works hard to make his Guardian and Mentor happy. You want a new weapon design? How about 10, the body armor blueprint is due in two weeks? Here it is now. He works himself to the bone but it's worth it when Obie tells him what a great man he’s turning out to be. Nothing like Howard’s cold indifference.

~

His inability to allow himself to be touched is probably where the ‘eccentric’ part of Tony’s title comes from. He gets away with it for a while, content to let things go on the way they are as long as it means he doesn’t have to think about how alone he is. When the news comes in on how many are dead from his designs, despite his better judgement he goes to a club knowing full well that the notion of personal bubble is fully lost there. 

Maybe it’s his version of penance. Perhaps part of him feels guilty that he didn’t fight harder to change the direction of Stark Industries. 

Tony gains the playboy reputation despite not really sleeping with people. He tried but they were too loud and what they thought of him left a bad taste in his mouth.

When Pepper comes into his life he's surprised when she’s just as silent as his mother was. It's nice to be able to spend time with someone who doesn't keep him on his toes in the normal way. She challenges him to become a better person and he's grateful for her.

His monotonous life becomes less monotonous with her in it. Tony is aware that he's a handful and his default is pushing people away. But this time Tony fights tooth and nail with himself to keep her in his life and surprisingly for all of his many faults, she stays. Along with Happy who feels yellow like his namesake and whose thoughts are light hearted.

With her he learns he doesn't have to work so hard. He learns that he doesn’t have to buy people’s love and he doesn’t have to try so god damn hard. That lesson leaves him raw.

Life is good for a while, he gets to create and design. Think of new directions to take the company excited to share it with Obie. 

But Afghanistan happens. 

In one fell swoop, his life is upended. Everything is wrong and it hurts. He wonders what could he have done to make the universe keep him awake through the mutilation of his chest. 

When he beats the infection and is no longer delirious he meets Yinsen. He remembers him from years ago.

Yinsen works with him helping tone the thunderous roar of a waterfall to the babbling calm of a stream. It doesn’t help with the Ten Rings when they dunk his head into water, their thoughts a jumble of anger and vindication. But it helps enough. 

He notices one day after a long stretch without food he can taste color? No its emotions. There's no specific word for the flavors just the color. From the Ten Rings it's a kaleidoscope green red, purple, blue which all comes together to form a disgusting brown flavor that leaves him gagging. 

His only reprieve is Yinsen who carries with him the grey flavor of Resignation. Tony doesn't like that flavor at all and spends his time trying to talk to Yinsen about their plans once they leave. Yinsen calls him over the day before their escape. 

“You've practiced enough, try to read me.”He holds out an arm.

The peaceful Acceptance on Yinsen’s face is something his heart can't bear. 

He refuses “No, you're not dying here!" he promises but Tony tends to make promises that are impossible to keep for those he cares too much about.

The next time he touches Yinsen, it's to close his eyes and the man who saved his life in this dingy cave is so quiet it chills him to the bone.

Rhodey’s hug is a welcome sound in the vast empty heat of the desert. He cries into his shirt. 

After that little stint he becomes a recluse for the silence and to build. 

He doesn't talk about Obadiah’s betrayal. But after that he pays more attention to the emotions he can taste swirling in the air. 

~ 

On the Helicarrier is the first time he meets his hero, and realizes why people say you should never meet them. It's also the first time someone's thoughts weren’t a loud jumbled mess. Steve Rogers' thoughts were so clear he could clearly pick out “disappointed, he’s nothing like Howard, selfish.” Well, it's nice to know where he stands. 

He tries not to let it bother him, after all the world is in jeopardy. 

What happens in New York is another startling revelation. The silence of space he learns is terrifying. On some level Tony could always feel something. Be it the red flavor of anger in the air, or the cool blue of sadness. The colors had grown to be a part of his day to day life. But out there, there was nothing only biting cold and an army so other their own victory seems unfathomable.

He’s jarred awake on the ground with cool pastels of relief flowing around him. But as worn out as he is, the day isn’t over yet.

When they finally find themselves off their feet sitting at a restaurant eating Shawarma with their ragtag group, he finds that he can breathe slightly easier with the Orange of victory around them.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh I should mention this is going to be part of a series. Thanks for reading!


End file.
